Saturday, March 1, 2008. 2:00 pm

As I sit here in the classroom waiting for my group's turn to take the practical exam, I was wondering if I could still survive having this kind of life. Just got out of work early this morning, slept for four hours, woke up late for my class, haven't eaten any food for 15 hours, and in an hour I will take an exam that I haven't studied yet. Sitting infront of a computer with lack of rest, my mind is currently switched to a blank state with no interest in reviewing my online materials that should help me with my so-called exam later. I haven't fully realized that I'm already typing what my poor damned mind (or stomach) is thinking. Now, wait, there seems to be a dolt on the next room singing loud enough for the world to hear. If I haven't had that four-hour sleep, he would be in the headlines tonight for being thrown out of the 3rd floor window with a pen stuck to his head.

Back to the topic, I wonder what other things I could do with my life that would make me feel for once that I have some reason to live. I had once loved my job - even when I have to work at the middle of the night where majority of other people are sleeping soundly in the cool night. I loved the people who I was with at that time. I could say that I could take charge of what I was working on before. But now, everything looks like a mess, I'm a mess. I still have my friends but I was plunged right to hell. Hell should be my home, I'm used to a hellish life. I could be satan's boss, I could live with that, but the problem is that it looks like hell is already infested with angels - lots of them. 'Angels' trying to watch your every move and because they are somewhat perfect, everytime I make a mistake or do something that's not in their book of good deeds I would feel like I don't have a right to exist. I am always tempted to shout, "go to hell," but heck, we are already in hell. "Go to heaven" doesn't sound right either.

Oh, goodie... It's my group's turn to take the exam now. Jeez, I hope that these people know how to solve the problem for the test because for sure I can't do anything more than goggle at the devices.