Lucky Cat (Maneki neko) and Snow Bear candies

Maneki neko / Lucky Cat

For the past couple or years, I always pass by an old woman along Capitol Site in front of High Precision Lab or Watsons with a severely swollen foot wrapped in a rag which acts as a bandage. She sits at the sidewalk on a very short stool and only sells Snow Bear candies. I always notice her Lucky Cat figurine with one front paw swinging back and forth in which the Japanese (or Chinese) claims to be lucky and everytime I glance at her I feel that my heart sank to the pit of my stomach.

Apparently, the mere sight of her would not make anyone feel elated. Others would look disgusted, feeling like they got a infectious bacteria beside them trying to enter their system. Others would try hard to look at the other direction, pretending that they haven't seen anything. Others would look at her sympathetically. Normally, I would ignore people selling stuff on the streets but this woman never failed to get my attention. You know that feeling of remorse mixed with bitterness? You know that point where you asked why do some people have to suffer so much when they don't deserve it? That's what hits me everytime I passed by her, reminding me over again how cruel the world is. No, I'm not drunk while writing this piece of dung, but hey, that's how I feel. If my mother is like that, I could never forgive myself.

I have promised long ago that someday when I will see her, I will share some of my blessings which is the least that I could do. However, this past few months, I always stroll along that same street where the old woman sat but I could not find her anymore. Don't know where she is now. Don't know if it's too late for me for I just achieved a very short-term goal which made me have enough to share (just got my measly bonus..haha.). Sigh. Well anyway, in case if anyone would get to see her - you could not miss her because of her Lucky Cat figurine and the Snow Bear candies - do me a favor: buy her candies and let her keep the change (a fairly good amount of money for the change, that is), you can let me know so I could pay you back and so I could buy her candies as well.

Pending Work

A lot of things have been piling up inside my head for weeks and those crap seem to be stuck there, not knowing how to let them out or throw away those unnecessary thoughts. A lot of happenings and conversations had made me think more deeply about different things in my life. Being the tired old lazy me, I would just reach up to that point of remembering those stupid things and couldn't come up with any solution or conclusion because of that I'm-just-too-tired-to-think attitude and ends up putting that stupid thought back to the storage room of my head thinking that I could get the strength later.

It's like school. You have so much homework to do that your desk is entirely covered with mountains of papers and trash and you don't know where to start. If ever you start to sort those things first or grab the easiest homework to do, your mind suddenly goes blank, tired, lost and boom, the quote "there's always tomorrow" would appear in front of you like a marquee with an ice cream treat. Then of course, more and more work would pile up until your room would be the one that will give up. I know, I know, I'm exaggerating but if you associate it with my head as the room and my thoughts as the homework then you'll get the point. Okay, maybe it's still exaggerating. Sheesh. I must have lost my mind, I'm arguing with myself now.

Anyway, with all those things caught up in my mind, I felt that I just wanted to be lost in an uninhibited island and break down. Can't talk to anyone about it, well at least not yet.

dfhgdfghfdfg

It amazes me that people would always tell you what to do but rarely tell you how to do it and if you do it your way, they would complain that you suck at it. I guess we have to learn on how to do it on our own but hell! If someone would tell me what to do, would that someone please tell me at least how to start???

Like I got this friend who gave an advise for me to move on. But the question is: How? I know it's a simple thing that even an idiot could get it but the hard part is to apply it. Easier said than done. Right now, I still don't know how to do it. Don't get me wrong, it has nothing to do with my friend. I love him, he's my mentor. That advise he gave is right but WTF, can anyone please care to explain it just once???

Oh, Crap!

Got bad cramps today. For the nth time of my life, I felt like jumping back to bed and just sleep - or at least try to sleep. It's just another blah day (or night) for me plus this stupid cramp. The only good thing that comes to my crappy mind is that this is my last work day of the week. Hello, Day Off! haha. Now that wasn't funny.

Cranky, am I? I guess not seeing the old familiar faces and not talking to anyone for hours would turn me to a monster. There's not much people around at this day. What's worse is that I could get a few calls from cranky people with their cranky computers and that would be enough to make me bury my head to the ground.

I just wondered how could I always be affected by one of the seven deadly sins which is sloth. Didn't have the mood to do anything but sleep. Brain is dead. Lost in the cloud of dust. Blank... I don't know what I'm talking about. Sheesh. I didn't have the urge to study anymore. Tomorrow (or later, that is), I have to push myself to get out of bed after maybe just an hour of sleep, take a shower, step out of the house in broad daylight, take a ride to school, show up in class and risk being a dunce for not studying the upcoming topic, ask my classmate whose name I don't know to let me copy his notes and how to set-up the router, cut the class, go to the mall to buy a gift in a rush for my long time friend, meet with my friend/s, and so on... (Note: No poor alcohol will be involved with these people I will see later so erase that thought in your mind. I'm not that much fond of alcohol, you know. *defensive mode*) My point is, at the end of the day, I would still be as weary as a battered old toe rag...with cramps.

Gee, I don't even know if I made sense.